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Below you'll find the many channels dedicated to what we do best. Whether it's emailing a random company about their products,
 pestering the local females,
 or ranting about almost anything you will
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Frank Cooz is an Asshole
I cannot help but laugh every single time I read this. This is probably my favorite email that I've written to anyone. A true classic in my eyes.
I received this from a sibling of a girl I used to "date". She was a bartender at the time this occurred and I'm pretty sure she is still enjoying a life where she lives on tips.
I'm unsure as to what her parameters were or why she was dealing with her sister's issues but this was perfect for new material. She obviously is a very big fan of me. This is her message and my response to her verbatim:

serioulsy.. ur the BEST liar i have ever met. u should be proud.

oh.. and the BIGGEST asshole. thats hard to do in my book.. u made a huge accomplishment. u should let all ur friends and family know as well

My response:

Hello Jennifer,

      Let me begin by thanking you greatly for the accolades I received from you last night. I know choosing me as the best must have took a great deal of time and deliberation. I hope that this didn't take away from your busy schedule as I know bartending at a restaurant can be quite tiresome.
     As far as the award goes, will there be ceremony? I must admit that although I hold your opinion in high esteem, I will be unable to make any social event as my ability to publish an acceptance speech has been compromised due to the lack of feeling in my left hand. You see I was bitten by a black widow spider on my last expedition to Brazil and I haven't been able to type anything.
     I took your advice and told all of my friends and family about the praise I was given by you and let me tell you they were estatic to hear that their friend/family member was finally receiving the recognition that he deserves.
     Is there anyway you can send this award to me via email? As I said earlier I am too humble to pencil an acceptance speech. I hope you can understand at this time. Thank you again.

I still don't know what I lied about..



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